Performance enhancing Poo?

September 26, 2016

 

Break throughs in medical science are happening every day and never cease to amaze. One area of recent research has seen investigations into curing obesity using Fecal Transplants. In this research obese patients are given Fecal Transfusions from healthy-weight individuals in order to see how their microbiomes change. The reverse has been reported medical journals, where a healthy-weight individual who received a Fecal Transfusion from an obese donor started to put on weight. It is this last possibility that sparked some discussion in the more desperate circles of the Club.

 

For many fit swimmers, the risk of hypothermia from swimming in cold water is greater than for others and may prevent them from reaching their goals.  Some have tried to put on weight by over-eating, but to no avail. Could the solution be something as simple as a Fecal Transfusion from a swimmer who doesn't feel the cold?  Or even better, a fast swimmer who doesn't feel the cold?

 

I say "simple" because in principle a Fecal Transfusion is much like syphoning the fuel from one car tank to another; i.e. insert the tube, give it a good suck until the fuel starts to flow. However, an even more simple solution might be to emulate the success of just adding yoghurt to your morning cereal.

 

In a typical generous Mandurah Mannas spirit, offers of free bags of sheep poo have been made to help get the research underway (presumably, from some very fast swimming sheep who don't feel the cold, see image above taken at recent sheep poo donor selection trials).  The thinking is that by using sheep poo there may also be some measurable improvement in drafting performance, as well as a nice bouncy curl.

 

So now, all we need are some volunteers?

 

(Representatives from MSA were contacted for comment, but wanted to seek advice from WADA before stating their official position on the trials.)

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